Letter to Nina; Please give me a reason to return to Uganda!

Posted on July 26, 2013


Nina my dear,


Obwedda bambi ndi wano nga nkulowoozako! You see these days I get really worried about you! Anti the streets are heaving and panting with anger! And one of these days, something is going to give! As they say in luganda, ‘ekizimba kinateera okwabikka’! I do not know if you people are reading the publics mood or whether your own hubris has gone to your head! But I have to admit, my head is filled with images of sweaty smelly paesants putting their grubby hands on your soft pampered skin and pulling all of you guys apart limb from limb!


Besigye, that man who you love to beat up and harrass is reading the mood too! He recently said something straight out of Fannon! Something about the comprador bourgeoisie being accomplices in the abuse of the lumpen proletariat! Methinks that he signalled a change in direction that could become quite dangerous! I know that you guys are the masters of Fannon your uncle Kaguta having written his thesis on it as well as having learnt from FRELIMO and practiced in Uganda. But I must say am uneasy as the line between Fannon and Pol Pot can be very thin!

I am in pain right now. You see I just had another operation on my hand today. Its a follow up to the one I had 12 months ago after coming back from Kampala after Museveni’s children hit me over the head with a metal crowbar in an attempt to kill me! As you can see 12 months after what was supposed to be a homecoming visit, am still grappling with the effects not to mention the effects of a near death experience! I shall not go into the details of that but those interested in psychiatry may tell you about things like post traumatric stress syndrome and such! Me I prefer to go back to work as I am going to do tomorrow in the same hospital I had my operation! I do have a very close association with PTSD as I am sure its what my mother got from living in Kampala in Obote II when you guys and his boys were playing hide and seek games at our expense and messed up our childhood!

There are so many reasons I would love to come to Kampala but this arm keeps reminding me that am probably better off staying away. But one of these days am going to ignore it and just jet in! I will not be telling you guys about it though as I wouldn’t trust you not to send around some katayiombwa boys for yet another “random” attack. My poor brain can only survive so much trauma! As for katayimbwa boys, simanyi you guys breed them? As a matter of fact the fact that I was mugged less than a hundred metres from Kibuli police barracks makes one wonder! I grew up in Kampala but do not remember so many assaults or katayimbwa being there. Now they are everywhere! I actually used to walk from the city at night with my mates and never even once thought about katayimbwa.

But the police which am not too sure can be called one anymore is now overrun by the army! Their commander is a soldier. Their commanding officers have no police training and now their minister has no clue what policing is about! The first thing he did in his maiden speech was to threaten individual rights! If you have to appoint soldiers to the police couldnt you at least give them some training first! You couldn’t even find someone with a military police background! If I were a policeman I wonder what reason i would have to go to work to a dead end job without ¬†future! One of your cadres @Apollo Kakwenzire even implied that becoming IGP or minister for internal affairs was just a promotion and deployment for the army which begs the question -what about the police? Aren’t they entitled to promotions within their profession? Am told many of them stagnate at the same rank for two to three decades while you bring in school drop outs and soldiers and promote them over their heads!

I am beginning to wonder whether one has got to have a low IQ to be a policeman in this country! For I know that they are not saints! Is it not the height of narcissism for you guys to send out broke and abused policemen to tear gas and torture their wives children and relatives? I hear Kayihura now pays them in maggots and insects! No wonder they are so vicious! When you see them standing at the every corner with guns don’t you worry that they will turn the guns upon you? And when they are out in the cold and the dark getting feasted upon by mosquitoes while you guys are in your warm mansions chasing down and catching ’emesse’, how do you trust them not to burn you all down in your houses? And to add insult to injury, IGP Kayihura tells grown men with families and children who need school fees that they do not need payment because they have received a measly ration of maggots and insects! Seriously you have to be an imbecile to return to work after such insults are heaped upon you not to mention the mama ingia pole they have to live in and share between families! Have you seen them? You can fit one in your bathroom! As for hygiene, in comparison to your toilet, you can eat off your toilet floor rather than live in one of them! No wonder you now need the army to supervise the police as you obviously cannot trust them not to shoot you in the back! I know if I was the police, I would! But who will watch the soldiers! Last time I checked, the soldiers apart from you bush generals, were worse off than your dogs!

Am still trying to get my head around the news each day. Yesterday someone confessed to having diverted 10 billion shillings to the NRM vote buying kitty! Shouldnt that be enough reason to impeach the president and dissolve the whole government or is vote buying legal in Uganda moreover using state funds illegally diverted? Not to mention the fact that the president himself spent a 650 billion “supplementary” budget on single handedly undermining the economy and triggering an inflation! shouldn’t that be called an economic crime? God knows in some countries you would be lined up before a firing squad for less!

The other day, Bigirimana and Gen Tumwine had each other by the throat! Mbu Gen Tumwine has occupied a taxpayers house in Kololo for 26 years without paying a single cent in rent! Apparently Gen Tumwine had insisted that Bigirimana who is widely thought to have ‘bigirimanised’ some billions in your daddy dears OPM office for which Kazinda got a measly 5 years like a chicken thief, should resign! In return Bigirimana bigirimanised him! To bigirimanise is to head a thieving and incompetent department for years then turn around and claim immunity when the dung hits the fan under cover of being a whistle blower! So in this case the whistle blower made it known that Gen Tumwine who was calling him a thief, was a thief too! In his defence, Gen Tumwine informed us he had built the National Theatre in a Build, operate and Transfer deal and he had the Nommo gallery under the same deal. He didnt quite say how long the operate part was but given he has already had it for 26 years and counting, one would assume that another 50 years are in order! There is no sign at all that he was planning to transfer it soon! Given that the rumours suggest that Bigirimana is immune to prosecution because he is someones tool, we could assume that his targeting of Tumwine is in the same line as the targeting of other bush war ‘Bahima’ Generals or that he has gone rogue and is working for himself settling personal scores! How else would you explain the fact that rather than getting prosecuted like Kazinda, Bigirimana got himself transferred to another ministry as accounting officer!!! Only in Uganda! I wish someone could just lock up the two men and throw away the key but do not hold your breath!
President Museveni decided the military will take over and with the help of a compliant Uganda Law Society president, he overthrew the constitution and installed himself military ruler by stealth! I am now wondering why he had to resign from the army as did Gen Jejje Odongo! It is now obvious that with the appointment of Gen Aronda to a political office that the coup that Gen Aronda and General Museveni promised is already here. If you were waiting for tanks in the streets think again. The constitution of Uganda means nothing! And if you were wondering about those invisible national ID’s that cost 200 million USD, they are back again with the army in charge! Its am sure one of the reasons a soldier was placed in charge of Internal Affairs! Now more money can disappear down the hole called ‘classified expenditure’!

It makes one wonder why we continue to contradict the constitution by keeping soldiers in parliament. Ten of them. I can understand why they were deemed necessary for the Constituent Assembly during the constitution making process but why they were they kept after the country moved to the multiparty system, still eludes my understanding? I wonder if you could break it down for me! But of course our MP’s could not fix that one as their brains had already been mortgaged for a mere 5 million shillings! God save this country!

That Gen Maverick fellow who was a kadogo in Luwero, also revealed that the dishonourable MP’s of Uganda had made some deal to get their personal loans bought off from their creditors by a Chinese “investor” who apparently was supposed to revalue them at a lower cost to enable them pay them off more comfortably! President Museveni blocked the deal but for reasons other than the obvious security implications! I always knew that we had imbeciles for MP’s but this kind of beats being imbeciles! Without even going into why these idiots who are very handsomely paid by any standards leave alone those of a banana republic like Uganda seem to think that the taxpayer owes it to them to pay for their poor financial management and failure to live within their means, has anyone asked themselves what is in it for the Chinese businessman? Given we are told they are all heavily indebted, and quite desperate, who wants a house of parliament owned by a private foreign businessman or even foreign government? Given that china and chinese government companies have got business interests in Uganda, could you think of the ramifications?
I kind of got thinking today. I had nothing better to do anyway. At 6 am I checked into this private hospital that looks like a hotel. I happen to work there anyway so all was smooth sailing. I know how you guys feel when you swan around being treated like royalty. No wonder you do not want to get your noses out of government business! Anyway to cut to the chase, in this hospital where things work like clockwork (don’t get me started on Mulago) I was wheeled to theatre by a young kenyan … a white kenyan. One of the nurses was a black Kenyan. And one of two surgeons was born in Uganda! Another of the consultants was born in Uganda too! One white and the other of Indian origin. And they all went to Nakasero primary school before my time while the brothers of one were in St Mary’s college, Kisubi. Their fathers were all academics in Makerere as are a number of other specialists in this town who I know or have met!

It kind of got me thinking. You see this is the kind of hospital that you guys go to when you steal our money to treat yourselves overseas while Ugandans die from jiggers! But for you to run away with our money to come to such facilities to be treated by people who you chased away is kind of a bit rich. I know you are going to say you didn’t chase these people away but when I say you, I am talking about all you post independence politicians. Remember your daddy dear and uncle Kags have been at it since the 60’s so they are part and parcel of this circus! You are all the same. Selfish. Bloodthirsty! Since independence Ugandans continue to die for you to remain in power! Makes one kind of think about those Inca temples and the constant human sacrifices to the living Gods, their rulers! I remember the empty words of Museveni swearing in promising that no Ugandan shall be killed by their government! That any soldier who killed a citizen would be paid back in kind as set down in Hamurrabi’s code! Kind of resonated with the masses who were used to soldiers impunity which of course is why when they created a new constitution in 1995, they mandated that soldiers who wished to take up a political position had to resign from the army! But empty words Museveni’s words were as time has quite clearly shown!

Ugandans will now have to take this lesson and write up a new constitution to reign in a president run amok, kick soldiers out of parliament and reinstall term limits!

I tried to think of how many foreign born Ugandans I could think of. I couldnt think of a single one! While growing up I remember a Tanzanian gyanaecologist on Jinja road but not sure he ever got Ugandan citizenship. I know there have been prominent Rwandese who have had to hide their backgrounds and pass themselves off as Bafumbira in order to pass under the radar simply because our bigoted politicians cannot stop playing divide and rule games and have never understood the role migration can play in developing a country! Museveni used to talk about bringing down borders and ask why an african cannot get citizenship in another country! Thirty years since he came to power, we have many refugees who have spent years in Uganda and even speak fluent luganda and other local languages but will forever be foreigners and whose contribution to the economy will always be denied! the same refugees go on to other countries where they get citizenship, go back to school and become useful and productive citizens!


I have met many of these in the diaspora from Sudan, Congo, Somalia, Eritrea, and Rwanda. Am yet to see one who was naturalised and issued a legal passport and citizenship! Makes one wonder what sort of imbeciles we have in charge of our countries! That we let talent and wealth be taken out of our countries. That we ignore the contributions of migrants to our countries little knowing that countries like Australia, the UK, many European countries as well as north America have thrived on migration with their richest and most innovative people being migrants!
On my team in another hospital I have had two residents one whose father was born in Uganda and another who was born in Kenya both Asian while my registrar was born in Kenya. In that same hospital I can name several consultants born in Uganda or Kenya mostly white or Indian.

I know you are going to ask me why I do not return to Uganda. It used to be your standard response to criticism and is the catch cry for Kakwenzire! Even that parrot Muhiire likes to ask the same question!

In response I will remind you of my last visit to Uganda 12 months ago. I arrived on Sunday. On Monday, I took my two year old daughter who was visiting Uganda for the first time to Namirembe where she got baptised. On Tuesday, she almost became an orphan as I was fighting for my life following a concussion, a fractured left hand and a traumatised right kneecap! You can imagine how she could now join those diasporean kids with no reason to return to Uganda which only represents pain, poverty and violence! I have already told the story of that encounter with katayimbwa and will not repeat the details here. You of course are familiar with them having tried to refute them!

I talked to my surgeons and anaesthetists during the operation. You see I refused to have a General anaesthesia and had it done under a regional block and local anaesthetic. Am kind of a control freak you know and would rather have some pain than be knocked out! We talked about lots of things mainly Uganda.

Of course the topic came around to whether I had been back to Uganda and how I got the injury to my hand. I with shame face had to admit that I was mugged in Uganda and almost killed two days after arriving into the country! You can imagine how all these people who were evicted from Uganda or whose parents were expelled would react! The hardening of prejudices! The destruction of whatever emotional connection or nostalgia they still have about Uganda!

You see many still harbour nostalgia and still have an emotional connection to Uganda that could still be exploited. Some still harbour plans of traveling to Uganda, helping out or investing! I can assure you that many who have asked about my hand will not be visiting Uganda soon! I couldn’t exactly tell them that you see, I was almost killed within two days of arriving in Kampala but it would be safe for you! You people ignore the fundamentals of this country at your own peril!

Which kind of makes me ask:

In case I were stupid enough to return to Uganda, what do you have to offer?

– I am not stupid enough to sit around eating dust from your 4WD paid for by my taxes waiting for you to drop me crumbs!

– I have no intention of mucking around in blood and hepatitis B without protective gear not to mention HIV and ebola while you fly off to Europe for the flu!


– Thank God I have no plans of making babies but I would not want to expose my partner and unborn child to your death traps while you fly off to Germany for normal deliveries at my expense!

– I have no intention of sitting around waiting for a premature death from a katayimbwa while you are insulated behind barbed wire and high walls with police and military guards paid for by me! No wonder you had no idea there was katayimbwa in Kampala and claimed you had never heard of one!

– I do not wish to submit myself to your crappy hospitals for healthcare you yourselves will not subject your dogs to!

– Nor do I wish to sit around explaining to the mob that contrary to what you fat cats are saying, I did not steal the drugs but its due to your incompetence and thieving that there are none in the hospital!

So please give me a reason to return to Uganda!